3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize