Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize