New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
