I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
