For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
