i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
