My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
