just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
