Everything about him screamed your future.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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