We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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