Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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