We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
