No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
