I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
