If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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