you guys were way drunker than both of me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
