Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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