his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
