I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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