I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
as a side note pls kill me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
