and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
