Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
