She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
