well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
PANTIES FOUND
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize