I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
