Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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