And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
