Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
