shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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