O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
