Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
