And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
