he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
