My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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