I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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