I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
