i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
