never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
