i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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