you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
