would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
