Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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