I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
