so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
