i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
