Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
