Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
