Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
