YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
