Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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