these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think my fart just growled at me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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