I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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