it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
