I have demons in me.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
