wanna go halves on a baby?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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