I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
