This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize