.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
