I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
