hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
