i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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