You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Every concussion has its silver lining
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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