i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
