Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize