NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
