So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
