I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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