Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
