Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
