I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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