Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
