Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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