I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize