the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
