I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
