Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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