WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
