i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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