God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
