i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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