Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
