im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize