So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
