Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
