Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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