just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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