Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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