yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize