Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Pants are for mortals
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
