u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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