She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
