you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
